Here is my favorite part of the year-end round-up: The WORST of the year. These are the moments that turn my stomach, make me angry, or simply leave me befuddled in the worst possible way.
12. Kelis - Live
Now, say what you will about Kelis' great album (after all, I rank it #4 of 2010), but I had the chance to see her live twice this summer... and she was simply not good. She wasn't the worst act I'd ever seen, but she wasn't far behind. Her fantastic album was made flaccid by a blatant lack of enthusiasm, stuffed into a turquoise spandex sausage-casing of an outfit (thanks Cass!) and topped with a wig made of metallic pom-pom. She looked like the ghost of cassette tape past, while singing (though she wasn't ALWAYS off-key) poorly in comparison to the album. Let-down. Ugh, indeed.
11. Jimmy Eat World's Comeback
I was a rather big J.E.W. fan for a long time. I suspected their last album was simply a flop in pop-rock, and that they'd come back swinging punches of indie-rock ferocity. Instead, they cranked out an album that sounded like a b-sides collection, with only 3 songs tolerable enough for me to play. This is a lot to swallow from a band that threw out three fantastic front-to-back albums with Clarity, Bleed American, and Futures. Hot vomit.
10. LA Riots Abandon Indie Dance
I love watching LA riots spin; I really do. They have a great stage presence, play well, and get the crowd into their sets. Sadly, though, since the DJ duo has reformatted, they have abandoned the sound that made them popular, as evidenced by their big remixes of acts such as The Ting Tings, Kylie Minogue, Heartsrevolution, VHS or Beta and Scanners. Now, they aren't absolutely obnoxiously terrible.. they simply aren't exceptional. They are status quo, and that's just plain sad.
09. Usher Goes Gay
Did anyone else notice that the above-average-talented Usher gave up on making meaningful pop and instead made a fleet (enema) of gay dancefloor-centric crappers? The remixed versions of his tunes were his only saving grace, which has zero to do with him. Yes, I enjoy a gay club dancefloor sometimes, but every time his songs would come on, my stomach would turn. They auto-tuned the hell out of him, when he does have a voice in a lower range that is just fine how it is, and they made him sound like a black Richard Simmons. Blichard Simmons, heyyyyy.
08. Lady Gaga's Janky-Ass Teeth
No, not her actually dental issues. God knows she's finally got those fixed. I'm talking about her allowing this video to be made. It's fucking awful gaysploitation for the status quo idiot who falls over anything of lowest common denominator sexuality. I don't even want to drink Veuve now, it upsets me so. Stupid stupid stupid. Major points lost for an artist who had been batting nearly a thousand. I am pretty sure she didn't pay the actors. She just went into West Hollywood and picked up two past-prime go go dancers who still have dreams of making it modeling in something other than a Sean Cody video.
07. Interpol's Producing Debut
Interpol came back, had a great deal of hoopla surrounding their self-titled album, blatantly expressed to the world that it was their producing debut, and then shat out an album that couldn't wipe the perineum of its last three albums. Granted, we all know that their first two albums were timeless, Turn on the Bright Lights and Antics, but I expected them to up their game after a decent but not spectacular third outing, Our Love To Admire. It was especially upsetting since Julian Plenti's (lead singer's solo project) album was so surprisingly good in the interim. Alas....this was terrible. Hire someone to produce, or go the way of the buffalo. This was especially upsetting for me, as I waited so long and anticipated so much... only to be left with my **** in my hand.
06. Soundcloud Squeezes Its Snatch
So, I've used Soundcloud for a long time. It's an amazing way to get music out there for people to listen and enjoy. You have an option of allowing or disallowing a track to be downloaded via the listening wave, but in recent months this has basically all-but-stopped. Soundcloud will not let you upload ANYTHING that is attached to a record company. I know I know... blah blah blah copyright... but copyright can suck my sack. Soundcloud needs to realize how it's going to lose lots of customers because they can't spread music around, and that its squeeze on such is going to basically make them obsolete long before they should have become such. The black market of music runs the show. It makes stars out of nobodies, and forces artists to make their money performing their songs, therefore creating a sense of accountability in the music community. Suck. It. Soundcloud.
05. Ke$ha's Rise
There are many reasons why it is hard to grasp why Ke$ha is relevant. It pains me writing this, really. She's stolen every page out of every book that was ever written on how to make a pop starlet. She is a fairly horrible singer... which pales in comparison to her actual songwriting. She put a dollar sign in her name to replace an "s" (so original). She is gutter-trash chic (actually, I like that part of her). She has only been tolerable, much like Usher, through the hard work of remix artists like Fred Falke, DJ Kue, and Bimbo Jones. As much as she is a guilty pleasure of mine, I must say I pray she may she go the way of Chumbawamba as soon as possible.
04. Little Boots Cancels For Cuntchella
In what, to me, was the line-up of the year: Little Boots, French Horn Rebellion, and Dragonette, actually became the year's biggest cocktease. Little Boots, who is exceptional live, with the high-energy, always amazing Dragonette set to play just prior was enough... but then they added French Horn Rebellion, one of the best young bands around. It was a $15 show at 930 Club that didn't happen. Damn you Coachella for asking her to headline! In retrospect, maybe it would have ruined how good the shows were the rest of the year, but I didn't care. What a letdown! Yeah... that's all I got on that one. Just pissed. Cuntchella.
03. Like a G6
Awful. Terrible. Dreadful. Ghastly. Foul. Substandard. Abysmal. Pathetic. Grave. Vile. Abominable. Those are the descriptors of Far East Movement's Like A G6. The song is essentially awful. The bass line is catchy. The hook is below par. Lastly, it all is made worse by the fact that it was SO popular! WTF?! What is wrong with popular dance music? I hope this song ceases to be relevant in the next few months... 'else I may refuse to eat rice for a year in protest. Take that.
02. Xtina Comeback Sucks Big Balls
There were few things worse than Christina Aguilera's comeback... who knows what she was thinking. Her songs were somewhat catchy, but mostly forgettable. She sold the soul of her voice for a place back in the spotlight... only to realize that she was ill-advised and may have well destroyed her own career in the process. She has a voice, refused to use it, and now is seen as a has-been by those who aren't in love with her from the 90's. I think the rest of my feelings can be summed up in my review of her first single this year
HERE. R.I.P. Genie... Enjoy your next job hosting a reality show.
01. Four Words... Katy Perry, in general
She was so bad. SOOOOOO bad. She made me more sad than upset in 2010. She produced single after single of overly produced tracks that put her boobs center-stage, and expanding the minds of her listeners somewhere backstage under of a pile of spanx and waterbras. Yes, we all sorta loved the pop aspects of her songs. The produced tracks sounded decent... but that's what's so upsetting. She is a fraud of an artist. She can't sing her tracks, and is simply getting by on her looks, wannabe P!nk-esque attitude, and producers' talents. Katy... please... just stop.
